I Really Felt Like Someone Who Didn’t Want to Continue with Life

I entered the Narconon Ojai center on December 20th, five days before Christmas.

I really felt like someone who didn’t want to continue with life.

It was just the same day-to-day—work, trying to handle the responsibilities of paying the mortgage, bills, and life.

I remember the sauna section of the program and thinking that after 3 to 4 weeks of this, I’m gonna be so tired and drained, but it was quite the opposite.

Doing the Objectives got me really thinking and using a part of my brain that was dormant for a while. To be in the present time in a world like today is so hard to do, but I feel like it’s the only way for me. I let the past go and now live day by day in the present time.

The Personal Values course was by far the most challenging part of my new beginning here at Narconon. I wrote out all the transgressions I felt bad about in my life that had harmed myself or those close to me. I had 74 things that I could remember, and after looking through them, I felt myself being more and more mad and not wanting to take direction from the counselors, and I even left the classroom for 20 minutes to find out why I was getting so mad. It turns out I was mad because I knew that my past did not represent who I really was. I wanted to move beyond it.

“In order to love myself and others who love me, I need to live an honest life, and I need to be in the present time.”

This course taught me if I wasn’t getting upset writing about my transgressions, I would think it was just a normal way to live and act and my conscience is fine the way it is. I was wrong, and I felt remorseful and then suddenly remembered that it was in the past, and in order to love myself and others who love me, I need to live an honest life, and I need to be in the present time.

Not the past or the future, but in the “PRESENT TIME.”

Thank you, Narconon Ojai!!

—Ryan